Irish Jokes

[panacristi]

A young Irish girl goes into her irish priest on Saturday morning for confession. "irish father, forgive me for I have Thinned." "You`ve Thinned?" "Yes, I went out with me boyfriend Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times." "Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down." "Will that wash away me Thin?" "No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."

More Irish Jokes

[panacristi]

Two leprechauns went to the convent and begged an audience with the mother superior. "well, how can I help you little people?" asked mother superior. the larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked "oh mother superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns here at the convent?" "No," says mother superior, "I don`t have any midget nuns here at the convent" "all right than, mother superior, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland than?" "no, no," replied mother superior, "I don`t know of any nuns who are also midgets in all of Ireland at all." "Well than mother superior, in all of nundom, in the whole world of all the nuns, would you be knowing, than, of any midget nuns?` "No, I would not, there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!" replied mother superior, "and would you please tell me what this is all about!!?" The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid leprechaun and said "see, its as I told you all along, you`ve been dating a Penguin"
More Irish Jokes

[panacristi]

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes." The man says "I can`t take anything from you, I`m just glad I didn`t hurt you too badly," and walks away. Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I`ll give him the three things that I would want. I`ll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great *** life." Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing. The leprechaun says, "I`m fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?" The golfer says, "It`s great! I hit under par every time." "I did that for you," responds the leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?" "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred pound note" he replied. The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your *** life is?" Now the golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week." Floored the leprechaun stammers, "Once or twice a week?" The golfer looks at him sheepishly and says, "Well, that`s not too bad for a Catholic irish priest in a small parish."
More Irish Jokes

[panacristi]

Finnegan, drunk as usual, staggers into Church, enters the confessional box, sits down but says nothing.
The good irish father coughs a few times to get his attention, but Finnegan just sits there. Finally, the irish priest pounds three times on the wall.
Finnegan yells, "Ain`t no use knockin, there`s no paper on this side either."

[girdhar]

here is the joke related to the internet
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little
Pop-Up appeared that said:

You got Male

So I Googled "Sue God" just to see what would come up and I found this:

[panacristi]

Irish father Flannigan, an elderly irish priest invited irish father O`Connell, a younger irish priest from a neighboring parish who was fresh from the seminary, over for dinner. During the meal, the young irish priest couldn`t help noticing how attractive and shapely the house keeper was. Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly irish priest and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading the young irish priest`s thoughts, the elderly irish priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional." About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly irish priest and said, "irish father Flannigan, ever since the irish father O`Connell came to dinner, I`ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don`t suppose he took it do you?" The irish priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I`ll write him a letter just sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear irish father O`Connell I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation at dinner the other night and hope we have the opportunity to do so again. On another matter. We had a beautiful silver ladle which was a gift from a parishioner that comes to visit from time to time. The ladle has come up missing and I would be very embarrassed to invite her over and she notice the missing ladle. It is very important that it be found. Now, I`m not saying that you `did` take a gravy ladle from my house, and I`m not saying you `did not` take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here." Several days later the elderly irish priest received a letter from the young irish priest which read: "Dear irish father Flannigan, I also enjoyed our dinner and conversation and hope note only that we do so again, but also that I be permitted to return the favor. On the other matter. Now, I`m not saying that you `do` sleep with your housekeeper, and I`m not saying that you `do not` sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."